i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
