This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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