What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
did i walk over a car last night?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
