jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
