everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
