Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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