Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
