I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
