i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
