so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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