Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
