what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
