went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
