based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
