i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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