There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
