i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
