I met the friendliest cop last night
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
