you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
