what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
