We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
