so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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