she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
