It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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