She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
