Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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