Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
