Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
