sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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