look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
