i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
