Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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