I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
