He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
