my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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