Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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