I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
