i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
