I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
