I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
