i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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