Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
