dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
love makes seman taste better
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
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obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
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You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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