I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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