pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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