one two three fourrrrnication!
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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