why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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