Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize