ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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