Betty ford says i'm here all night
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
