Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
