wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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