Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
