Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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