He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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