Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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