good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
