I think scott just propositioned me for sex
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you traded sex for a burrito?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
