hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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