lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
