There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
