let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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