I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
