I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
