both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
