Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
