Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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