So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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