I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
