i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
