I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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