I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
