Its about making memories worth repressing
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
