he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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