when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize