the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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