dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
