I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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