Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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