How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
